never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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