Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
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I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
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Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
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