I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Randomize
