Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I have already put on my inside pants.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
Randomize
