i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Randomize
