Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
it was like his penis was on wheels.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
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