When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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