what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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