how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Randomize
