is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Randomize
