Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize