i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Randomize
