shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
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