apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
