I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Randomize