Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
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