When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
