No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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