i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize