I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
