Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
