she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Randomize
