This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
