Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Randomize
