you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
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