oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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