This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Randomize
