Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
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