somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
