They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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