omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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