I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
