do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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