so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
