3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
