Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Randomize
