woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
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Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
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