We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize
