dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
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