she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Randomize
