I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
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