I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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