He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
