Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Randomize
