My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize