he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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