the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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