he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
