You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
