I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
Randomize
