so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Randomize
