Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
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