Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
