So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
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