I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
