So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
