did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
