yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Randomize
