I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
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