Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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