Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
