maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
