I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
how does that bad decision feel?
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
