Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Such a big mess for such a small penis
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