State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
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Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
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Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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