I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
