Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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