it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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