Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
