i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
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