we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
