I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
