chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
