I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
