how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
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