So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Never joke about your clitoris.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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